You want what you don't have.

Who were those kids who always had the steelies that were about 3 inches in diameter? You marble players all know who I'm talking about. We would play keepsies and the kid would always come up with a steelie that half the size of a school globe and say, "You want to play?" I would always say, "What are the rules?" (Real smart, have the kid with the biggest, shiniest marble make up the rules) "OK", he says, "I just have to hit your marble once and you have to hit mine a bazillion times." To which I would always reply, "OK". Did I expect to win? NO! But if I could only hit it a bazillion times I could have that bright shiny steelie and be the envy of all my friends! Little did I know I could just go to the auto parts store and pick one up. As a matter of fact I never beat those kids at marbles. But isn't that always the case? You want what you don't have and you'll do stupid things to get it.

Here's another example. BB guns. My mom hated them. She said that I was not allowed to have a BB gun. "Under know uncertain terms can you have a BB gun." So guess what I always wanted. You guessed it, a BB gun. Would I have wanted it if my mother didn't care whether I had one or not? I can't answer that because all I know is, since she didn't want me to have one, I wanted one. One day my neighbor Ronnie got a new BB gun and wanted to sell me his old one. I don't even remember where I got the money but I ended up with his old BB gun and hid it where no mother would ever look, under my bed with the last 7 editions of Club and Penthouse magazines (hey I was a kid, nowadays they have the internet). And some how, I can't remember how, my mother found out about it. I had to give it back to Ronnie and he even got to keep the money (although the joke is most likely on my Dad because I may have paid for it with some of his Ben Franklin 50 cent pieces!) Another thing I didn't have and always wanted.

But even the most trivial things that you don't have you want. We didn't have a basement. If we could go over to someones house and spend time in the basement it was like a whole new world to us. "You have a basement? Let's go over to your house." "You have your room in the basement? Oh my gosh that must be awesome!" I thought that feeling would be gone when you got older. You know, envy, want, need for what you don't have. Guess what, I DOESN'T.

I remember going to the ventriloquist convention back in 1980, I already had a Semok figure but saw Conrad Hartz and John Arvites (sorry if I spelled it wrong) and the work they did and I wanted one from each of them. I got the Hartz. Then I saw Verna Findley's work and wanted one of hers. She quit making them before I finally got a soft puppet but I love Mary Ann Taylor's work! Now there's that Selberg guy, haven't got one of those yet. You see, hasn't changed at all. The only difference is my mom's not telling me I can't have it any more. I guess that's why it says in the 23 Psalms, The Lord is my Shepard, I shall not want. We shouldn't want for anything and definitely not envy someone who does have something we don't. But then again, that is our nature.

The sad thing about it is, once you do get what you've desired, that's it. You're desire is over. You've got it and now what, YOU WANT SOMETHING ELSE! Then the process starts all over again. So sad. Here's the thing, I don't think I ever even shot that BB gun and if I would have won that beautiful steelie, what then? And since then I've had a basement, no big deal. So maybe I will close this with some wise words from a very unusual source. Mick Jagger! Who said, "You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need."